Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Dealing with the Almighty

This will be of no comfort to you to know that even though I am the Intelligent Designer, I am not almighty powerful, omniscient, or extremely sexy.

In fact, most of you will find it discomforting to know that your universe is run by a paranoid schizophrenic. But with this knowledge, you now realize why the world is such a sort of messy operation.

There is a heaven and a hell, but the price of admission to hell is extremely steep and most people cannot afford it, and heaven, well, I just haven't had time to finish it.
So most of you will be reincarnated as turkeys or bunnies. It's ok, because when I get heaven finished it will been a turkey bunny sort of place.

You have all met me at some time, usually as a middle aged man (not 104! though) who babbles in an amusing manner and is often tipsy but never rude. Others, however, may have met me as a 22 y/o female organic chemist currently somewhere in the outback of Australia with several drunken Aussie ethnobotanists, and yet others will know me as a 20 y/o budding movie star who has made moves on your boyfriend or you!

I could appear as just anyone or anything but what's the fun in that.
Life is about setting goals and having aspirations and hope and companionship.

You are welcome to disagree with me, or mock me, or disbelieve, just as long
as you don't touch my beer. Touch my beer and I will smite you.

Well, enough of this onanistic drivel, it's time to start revealing reality.

Ha, you thought you were living in reality. Ha, I say, ha!
Do you really think in reality there could be a president like George W. Bush?
Oh, you silly turkeys and bunnnies.
Time to wake up!

Profundity vs. fecundity

Easily confused words for bloggers who are quickly using up vast quantities of disk space and outer space with their musing, babble, moanings and groanings.

The more I can get others to read this blog, the less they will be cluttering up cyberspace with their drivel, leaving more room for my mental evolution.

Yes, you've just found the INTELLIGENT DESIGNER.

But don't ask me to fix your life and do any miracles.
Yes, I am intelligent, yes, I made the design, but, alas,
I never took any classes in design, and I'm mad!

A few people already have suspected as much, and now you know.
Sleep well, my children. I will harvest your dreams.