Thursday, May 11, 2006

Battery Man

So I took my beater car into the Volvo place for some surgery and to have three very hard to open doors fixed.

Since I never have riders except on the rare occasion I took the Dwelfess to work,
it wasn't until that time that I noticed I now have only two functioning doors.
Driver's side front works, that I would have noticed right away, but the passenger side front is totally dead, won't open from the inside or outside. Driver's side rear only opens from the outside (so I can abduct people now).

Old car needs lots of work which I need to parse out over many many months because I'm not that rich, so I've been waiting for the opportunity to take it back in and bitch mightly about the doors (for which I supplied the parts! you can get all kinds of car parts on the internet).

But one day my car battery died. It's Sunday. Les Schwab isn't open. Nobody's open. I must have my car. Went to AwSchucks and bought a lovely battery from a dyslexic cashier. Spent 1.5 hours trying to get the old one out. Corrosion and an impossible angle to try and remove screw holding it in. Could not find my special tools. No time to go to the hardware store. So OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW,
and lots of WD-40, and very very slowly it started to turn.

Stick new battery in, zoom!
My right hand was unusable, howsomever, for two days. Cramped.

Two days later, radio, lights, fan, but no turnover. Took the bus to work. Nobody threw up on me. Took the bus home, I'm sure those teenagers were looking to rough me up if I got off at the wrong stop (little do they know I am Tai Won On master).

Cleaned the terminals, put them back on really tight, and voila!

So what's the big deal? Anybody could do that?
Well, I'm not very tool oriented.
My dear dwelfess has said, "If you come anywhere near our house with a hammer or saw in your hand, I'll kill you."
I can use them. I just can't use them as intended.

My greenhouse stands, for example, stuck together by duct tape, much like this sentence, and now also by screws, which after 50 years I discovered you can use an electric drill to screw screws in, AND OUT!!!!!! WOO!!!!, about 4,000 times faster than by hand.

It's amazing.

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