Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Fruit Peeves

So there's lots and lots and lots of kinds of
fruits and vegetables in the stores these days.
Who can keep them all straight? Even the world's
greatest checker can't identify them all.

However, I would ask you all to get off your
sticky buns and invent something better
than those horrid stickers that are now on
every fruit and vegetable.

Here is the lovely tomato.
There is the lovely sticker.
It even has a little edge sticking out
to fool you into thinking that's the
part that isn't superglued to the tomato
and will let you peel it off easily.

One of two things will happen:
it will rip off much of the tomato skin with
it destroying the possibility of artsy fartsy
cutting to make a beautiful tomato arrangement,
it won't come off at all, forcing you
to cut it off, with the same dismal results
as above.

Oddly enough, the roma tomatoes
which are tough enough to not have
such peeling problems,

What is up with that?
Is it because romas are easily identifiable?
I think not.
Star fruit is easily identifiable but it has a sticker.

So now I've gotten the nasty habit of removing
all the stickers from the produce I buy.
If it doesn't remove, I don't buy it.

Of course, I'll be carted off to jail one of these
days for disfiguring fruit, disrobing tomatoes,
and releasing kumquats from their chains.

I shall shout:
"We're apples, not numbers!"
"Free the Physalis ixocarpa Five!"


Anonymous said...

Holy moly.

Oh. It's me.
You bring up some most excellent points. Poor fruities.
Maybe they'll start doing the invisible infrared or laser or hologram stuff and then aliens can talk to us through the fruits.

Dwelf the senior raincoat said...

moe than likely they'll put chips in them so they can be scanned, then
we eat them, we're chipped, at least until they exit. Part of the great government plan to track our every movement (bowel or otherwise).

Anonymous said...